In the United States “Evolution” is still a somewhat controversial subject. It was an issue in our last Presidential election. Many people still believe in creationism while most educated people seem to favour Darwinism. I prefer pragmatism, but then, I believe in everything. You know – whatever gets you through the night…

One time when I was, oh I don’t know, maybe in my teens – fourteen or so – I was sitting at the kitchen table with my Dad and the subject of homosexuality came up. I could have been sixteen because it was at that time I caused a big stink at church by inviting my friend Pat Stein, who worked for Planned Parenthood, to come and talk to our youth group about contraception. I’ve always been concerned about over-population – especially at church.

Anyway…

So my father and I were having a friendly sort of gay “pro” or “con” conversation and I put forth the theory that as the world became more and more overcrowded homosexuality would become more and more prevalent -that perhaps homosexuality is Nature’s way of protecting herself. As a matter of fact – well I’m not so sure what I think about facts. I have problems with facts. You can’t actually count on facts and people who are sure about anything make me very nervous. Perhaps that’s another symptom of evolution. Things change. A lot of people don’t like that. Arguments ensue. Worlds crumble. …You’ve got to hold that line, stick to the old ways at all costs.

I say throw the baby out with the bath water.

Last night I saw an amazing performance by Dina Martina at the Cutting Room here in New York and she was doing a segment on “global warning” where she was voicing her concerns about the rising ocean levels. Dina advocates everybody going to the beach, bringing as much water home with them as they can and boiling it. “I don’t know where it goes and I don’t care!” Now there’s a practical solution.

I like the story about how God created the earth in seven days. It’s also super cute to see grown ups defending it, arguing over it, giving money in order to support other people who believe in it. One day I was sitting in Soho House in London and I looked out the window and I saw a hundred Santas! They say Santa isn’t real. I don’t know…

Realness is such a slippery slope isn’t it? ”Touch this skin, Honey!” Seven days… One hundred Santas… I like the story about how God created the earth in seven days. Then there’s the story of finding a wooly mammoth that had been frozen for millions of years. I like that story too but I don’t care about it all that much. I don’t care about the past all that much. For some reason I do care about the future. Well, I choose to care about the future but to be honest I don’t feel like carrying a whole bunch of water home from the beach and boiling it just to try and save the world. I think a lot of people would prefer for the world to end anyway. They’re living for it!

You can’t talk sense to people like that.

But for all you progressive types out there, if you care about the future of the world at all – and you’re too lazy to boil water – the greatest contribution you can make towards saving the planet is to slow down population growth. And the easiest way to do that is to stop reproducing. The quickest way to go green is to go gay.

Evolve, Mary!