I sometimes wonder how certain public figures manage to rise to positions of political power. Whenever their mouths open, as my father likes to say, some idiot always speaks. There are too many examples to start this off, but know that I am flicking the bird across the Atlantic to Sarah Palin and over the Thames to Ann Widdicombe …

The subject today is Zimbabwe senator Sithembile Mlotshwa. Homosexuality is illegal in Zimbabwe, a country run by Robert Mugabe, a man against whom even the late Saddam Hussein pales. Mugabe has said, “I find it extremely outrageous and repugnant to my human conscience that such immoral and repulsive organizations, like those of homosexuals, who offend both against the law of nature and the morals of religious beliefs espoused by our society, should have any advocates in our midst and elsewhere in the world.” This is what we call irony from a man whose political decisions seem to be determined by a list of “thou shalt nots”.

Right now Mlotshwa is deeply troubled by homosexual behaviour in prisons, and she is determined to root it out, at any cost. After many a troubled night, no doubt, she has reached a conclusion: her solution is to furnish prisons with sex toys. “In other countries they provide sex gadgets and have constructed rooms where people go and service themselves when the desire arises”, Mlotshwa, the Wile E. Coyote of Zimbabwean politics, has claimed. Whether or not this is also to curb homosexual activity she did not elect to say.

When challenged, Mlotshwa proved the mettle of her intellect. When told the prisons hardly had enough money to feed inmates, she said, “We can’t say we don’t have the money to feed them as people can stay without food. They want sexual desires to be satisfied whether you like it or not.” That’ll settle that argument then. Poor of the world, you need not food, you only need to satisfy your sexual urges! Of course, this is from the woman who recommended that the sexual appetites of Zimbabwe husbands be held in check by chemicals to prevent the spread of HIV amongst married couples. You have to wonder what happened to make her this way …

The answer to any political problem, it seems, is “if in doubt, make something up”. It seems the way of the playground bully is the rule of law in Zimbabwe.