3 is the most magical number there is. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Why is that?

• Let’s start with the 3 dimensions: length, width, and depth (or height). 3 actual dimensions, that is, not the pretend stuff that Hollywood is currently making ill-gotten gains from.

• There are 3 parts to time, as we understand it: past, present and future. Theoretical physicists and fans of Fringe are free to leave comments in the section below.

• We live on the 3rd planet from the sun.

• There are 3 prime colours.

• 3 is a prime number.

• There are the “3 kingdoms”: Animal, mineral and vegetable. Animal, Vegetable, Mineral? was a UK TV series that ran from 1952–1959. In those bygone days, when people were interested in experts rather than amateurs, this was a panel game in which three spods tried to identify objects from British museums. How quaint. How very English.

• Scripture fanatics love the number 3. They obsess over it, like a basement full of teenage nerds obsess over Dungeons and Dragons. There are many references to the number 3 in The Bible. Odds are on that, though, as it is an enormously long book. Nevertheless, this is pretty mind numbing material, so let’s move on.

• God’s attributes are 3: omniscience, omnipresence, and omnipotence. Of course, no-one really knows what this means, but it sounds impressive, and keeps the fiction of the ever-present God alive … and ominous.

• Freudians argue that there is a reproductive component to the Trinity, with the God the Erection, Jesus the Testicles, and the Holy Spirit the Ejaculate. (And Jesus people, you can leave your comments, but there’s no guarantee they’ll be published.) And if you use Google image search and don’t have the content filter switched on the definition of triangle heads south … or brings up pictures of Kate O’Mara in that dreadful ’80s soap-opera Triangle.

• The Greek Gods ruled over 3 kingdoms: the heavens, the water, and the underworld. You can learn all about that in The Immortals, I’m guessing, although there are no guarantees as to how accurate it will be. (It’s also in 3-D.)
• The Triangle, which is a visual representation of the 3 dimensions, is central to religious and occult symbology. It’s all very Dan Brown. That Masonic symbolism on the reverse of the dollar bill is unsettling stuff. Novus Ordo Seclorum.
• A chap called Xenocrates, c. 396/5 – 314/3 BC, understood triangles as follows: gods were associated equilateral ones, daimones with isosceles ones, and men with scalene triangles. (Daimones are intermediate beings, somewhere between gods and men, which is all very Philip Pullman.). This is, of course, an early example of that great religious practice of Making Stuff Up.
• And last but not least, whenever Polari Facts eats Jaffa Cakes, the number equals 3, because sometimes one has to complete a magic circle of numbers just to achieve inner calm.