From ‘gay face’ and ‘porno polari’ to ‘horror movie sex’, the weirdest web searches bring readers to Polari Magazine. Here’s our Top 10 List of WTF?! search terms from 2013.

Looking back on the web searches that made Polari Magazine popular in 2013, there are many that make sense but also an amazing amount that do not.

Here is a list of the Top 10 2013 search terms that made us go “WTF?!”.

#10

do girls like gay guys

Like, sure, the like GBF is like an accessory, like a like Chihuahua or a like tote bag. Ohmygawd! Like like. Like.

#9

gay face/gayface

The obsession with gay face (which is probably yet another reason to dislike Glee) continued throughout 2013. What’s the message? “We like our gays safe and easily identifiable. (And an accessory, like the like GBF! Ohmygawd!)”

#8

porno polari

It would be very easy to write porno in your actual Polari. “Julian led Sandy into the brandy latch so they could do the rights. First he cleaned his kitchen good, sweet and dry, and after the gamming Sandy turned todge omee-palone for bona charver.”

#7

horror movie sex

It’s not like normal sex, especially if you’re a virgin. Even trees get to do it! Bring on the wood! (That’s an Evil Dead franchise reference, in case your history isn’t up to scratch.)

#6

shoving face in shit

No, it’s not a metaphor for what happens every time Sarah Palin sounds off on something she doesn’t understand. But is it literal or is it figurative?

#5

full naked rooms london you porn

How does this all fit together? I came up with nothing. Then I Googled it. Polari comes in at #6 with an article about about Travis Matthews’ arthouse film In Their Room: London. How refreshing!

#4

why did some gay men love marlene dietrich’s singing?

They were tone deaf? Well, there is something camp about flat singing – just look at the cult of Florence Foster Jenkins. And Lily Allen.

#3

how has miley sirus managed to push herself

Surely this [misspelled] sentence is going somewhere else “… push herself while holding onto a giant concrete ball wearing on a couple of cones and a piece of string? Push herself to places former child stars rarely go?” No? Fame, like your average gay man, is a fickle creature.

#2

Sex Madonna, Madonna six, Madonna sex, مادونا سكس (Madonna XXX), why do people hate Madonna

It’s not all about that reductive Lady Gaga, not here at any rate. No, Madonna has not joined Judy, Barbra and Liza in the Diva Remainder Bin. From English to Arabic, from love to hate, her highness is still top in the searches that have brought people to Polari Magazine.

#1

v*gina

The most popular search term of the year is, weirdly and unfathomably, ‘v*gina’. (There’s also ‘best v*gina’, ‘man v*gina’, ‘show v*gina’, ‘مهبل’ (v*gina in Arabic), ‘pussy.twat’ and, more disturbingly, ‘underagepussy’.) For a magazine that isn’t your usual lowest common denominator tits and ass LGBT content, this is an oddity. (You know what I mean: “This week, it’s the sex issue, with another round of celebrities we’ve persuaded to strip in the name of Charity. Gay rights! Woohoo!”)

Perhaps it’s just the law of averages for an extremely popular search term … According to Google trends, the greatest concentration of searches for the word originate in the capital of that god-fearing country Ethiopia, where 97% of its mostly Christian people think homosexuality is a sin and should be outlawed. No homo, but bring on the v*gina searches! Word.